As many of you know, my sister lives in Phoenix and I have visited her quite a few times, however each time I visit, something new happens. The experience this time was a lesbian country bar and a drag show. The day was pretty average, some hooping by the pool and some day drinking, however the night was a little more exciting. We started the night with $4 long islands, It's my financial responsibility to take every good deal I can get and $4 long islands are an extremely good deal, therefore I had two, just to be financially responsible. Then came the lesbian two stepping bar. Now I am A)not a lesbian and B) cannot two step, so needless to say I was slightly out of place. Not only did I feel out of place but my sister slurs to me
"People know you are straight because you are carrying your purse" apparently gay women leave their purses when the are at the bars. I two stepped my little straight heart out with my sister, her girlfriend and I even danced with Kristin (as if people don't already think we are always together). After working up quite a sweat, I decided to sit and take a well deserved break. A few minutes passed and an older woman comes up to me
"Have you ever had a french Martini?"
I wasn't sure if this was some term I didn't know or if it was legit a martini, I decided to risk it
"No I haven't"
Sure enough it was a real drink and this very nice woman bought me one. It was absolutely delicious.
Then came the drag show. This would have been a very typical night had it not been because of Kristins purse. Apparently the queens hated us. As this Tina Turner look a like strolled by she snags the purse and runs on stage....
"What the fuck is this ugly ass shit" she yells
We stood there
"Get up here you country sluts"
We were drug on stage to announce that we were from Colorado/Oklahoma. Then the queen proceeded to feed our country slut asses shots of tequila and shoo us offstage. I then gave over way to much money to theses ladies mostly because my sister continued to shove dollar bills in my cleavage which the queens would retrieve.
As if that wasn't quite enough for the evening, there were birthday shots, which yet another queen pulled us up on stage to give us, we weren't quite as ridiculed that time however for being country sluts.
Unfortunately for us, we drank very large quantities and were still drunk in the morning, just in time to pack and head to vegas...
