Bartlesville

So we went on a road trip. Like a legit sort of road trip. Almost fucking 4000 miles. Anyway the first leg of our trip was to beautiful Bartlesville Oklahoma. Now let me be specific this is the hilly part of Oklahoma which is surprisingly not that bad. There are a few things on the drive that were specifically interesting. STALKer jesus. There is a giant billboard that literally has a painting of jesus in a bunch of corn stalks... get it STALKer jesus well yeah basically they are either telling you that jesus is always watching or that he is from Kansas either way it's pretty comical. Also there are way way to many cones. For no real reason. They will mark things that are clearly already marked.... it's like seriously I know where the shoulder is. So by the time we get there it was late so we kinda just passed out. Basically all we did for most of the trip was eat and watch Gilmore Girls. Before everyone goes and judges the shit out of me. Kristins mom and sister kick ass in the kitchen and I was in gluten free heaven anddddd Gilmore Girls is effing awesome why doesn't everyone do marathons? There were two very exciting events though. The canoe trip on the Cane River, I use the term river loosely here because basically we paddled upstream and then right back down. So pretty though and so fun and the whole time her dad gave me the best life lessons ever. John Green is a brilliant man.

The other thrilling event that went down was the Solo Club lemme tell you that place is bumpin. So we walk in... it was a straight up movie EVERYONE turned to look at us. So naturally we order two shots of tequila and find out not only is it miss Kristins birthday but the bartenders as well. The bar tender motions to Kristin with a slightly curious glass of liquid in her hand and Kristin follows her out back. In my head I came up with a specific time I would call the cops if she didn't come back luckily she did. The night basically proceeded with meeting some methy kids KGreen graduated with, being warned that we should leave now because we would have to much fun if we stayed, watching a very large lady punch a very tiny man, interrupting a couple in the bathroom, then having the biggest rap producer in Bartlesville try to take me to his "crib". I have never had so much fun. So concludes the beginning leg of the trip.

Yeesh

So after quite an awkward evening. A typical night of drunken shenanigans... I began to think of things that would be horrible to hear after a hookup. Here is a running list (or perhaps a walking list?) har har:
Damn you are a trooper
Time for my pills
Oh for real thats it?
So I have to get up early (Classic)
RUN ITS GODZIRRA!!!!
Son, are you done yet? (this can also happen the next morning)
Sorry I just gotta call my boyfriend (boy or girl)
Wheres the handle? (Dane Cook)
Oh nevermind that, it's just my webcam
*Name* said you were going to be better than that.
So is *roommates name* single
I'm actually a Zombie
Your mom was better
I always knew my first time would be with you
Did you rearrange your room (only applicable if it is the first time you have met person)
Would you be my prom date?
Surprise! Your on cadid camera
Really any sort of surprise is typically bad
go make me a sandwich
Babe, there is a ninja behind you.

If you'd like to comment and let me know some others I guess that would be awesome.