Alcoholism.

Yesterday, I was evaluating my life. I do that sometimes. I came to a conclusion.... I was born to drink. Pretty much everything in my life has pointed me towards drinking.Drinking A LOT.
It started when I was a child, during my first Christmas on earth my parents threw a party. My mother entrusted me to a close friend while she went to do whatever she needed to do.... When she returned from her business, whatever it was, she was greeted by a happy friend and a happy baby.
Mom's Friend: Siobhan just loves this eggnog
Mom: FUCK
My family makes a type of eggnog that is basically eggs and booze and sugar... mostly booze. BOOM drunk baby. So this very early appreciation of delicious alcoholic beverages sign towards being a drunk.
My family also drinks peppermint schnapps whenever we go camping... we haven't been camping in like ten years so before I was 11 I was swilling peppermint schnapps.
Everyone knows about the traditional St. Pattys Shot. Since like birth.
Okay there is a song... called Siobhan.... it's about how Siobhan is going to get super drunk and not come home at night.... If you don't believe me... look...
DRUNK
Next... My 21st birthday is the day after finals... yeah so it's natural to celebrate. duhhhh.
People are super surprised that I'm not 21 yet, I get super shocked face from people when I'm like oh yeah sorry I can't go to the bars yet.
Finally... I'm Irish... nuff said.


Oh and Jenny Wilson is really cool.

Dentist

No one likes the dentist, this is pretty common knowledge. Which leads me to think, what kind of person decides to be a dentist. Like what... did they get out of the dentist after being beaten and battered like damn that was fun. Or were they so tormented by these dentists from hell that they were like man I am gonna do the same thing to people and make them HATE me. Anyway I had to go to the dentist, because a piece of my tooth just like BOOM fell out. I was like damn that sucks. So I fought with insurance companies and found a tooth doctor close enough to walk to. Lemme start off with I got totally lost trying to find this damn place, luckily I had my iphone so I managed (seriously how did I ever live without my maps). The receptionist was super nice and I started off thinking this wouldn't be to bad like "hey maybe this is gonna be okay" I didn't remember the last time I went to the dentist so I was unconvinced it would be miserable. After waiting forever... as per usual. I was forced to put on horrible horrible orange glasses and he gave me a shot in my gums... yah. gums. Now don't get me wrong, I am extremely glad that I was numb but Mr. Dentist man gave me so much numbing stuff that my whole right side of my face went numb like eye, ear cheek the works. I looked kinda like a droopy eyed armless child... thank you Charlie Sheen. So after I was an adorable stroke victim, the Dentist began work, and by work I mean he pretty much beat the shit out of the right side of my face, so much for a gentle hand. At one point he literally punched me... I think it was an accident but there is no way to be sure. Thank heavens that I was numb because even with my whole stroke situation it was still extremely uncomfortable... like I'm surprised nothing was broken. After gagging and toughing out a whopping hour and a half, I was done.
Dentist: Ok, you're all done
Me: Wrearry (really)?
Dentist: Yep all finished, you will hurt a little once the numbing wears off, which will be in about two hours.
Me: Two howwers?!!! (hours)
Dentist: yeah, have a good day.
Walks out
So I start the trek back to class which I was already late for. It was only after walking through all of campus that I realized my face was not only numb but swollen. Apparently my face swells with any sort of stimulation. So I get to class, in which we watch a movie. Luckily I find a place on the edge (last time I was late I almost sat in someones lap). Unfortunately the occupant of this lucky seat I had found came back from the bathroom a few minutes later
Seat person: Uh you are in my seat.
Me: Oh shit sowwy
Seat person: Uh yeah (really thinking... you should have shown up to class on time then you wouldn't steal my seat you droopy eyed freak)
So I moved, then my phone rang an annoying ringtone, because my mom called... and it was loud.
Not only had I stolen a seat but now I interrupted the whole class with my strokeness. Heads turned and I turned bright red (luckily it was dark) I actually think someone laughed at my ringtone too
About halfway through the film, my numbness wore off,
FUCKKKK
no kidding it was going to hurt, my whole jaw, tooth and gums hurt, and they had gouges all in them. jesus this was bad. Naturally I couldn't find any Advil, so as any boulder college student would do, I spent the whole rest of the day using an herbal remedy to cure my aches.
Moral of the story. Seriously dentists suck.

Jilian and the Rabid Racoon

Twas a normal evening, not so long ago, when the family came home at different times after our various events. Our Heroine had just been to a horror movie at which she laughed (shes tough like that) and had made her way home. Little did she know that an intruder had gotten home before her and was about to prey on not only her leftovers but her ROOMMATES! As Jilian opened the door she stunned the intruder to give her a split second of an advantage, but that was all she needed. As the Rabid Raccoon came at her (I imagine he looked something like this )

she got out her greatest ninja moves and knocked him silly. He then surprised her and lunged at her throat, she only nearly saved herself putting her arm that she defended herself with at great risk. The raccoon realizing he would not defeat Jilian then ran for the stairs fixed on eating all of the people that were slumbering upstairs (or maybe just the pasta on the counter). Jilian, in a final attempt to save her friends screamed at which her voice sent the raccoon scampering up the chimney and out of our lives. Jilian then fixing her hair went upstairs and had the sweetest dreams.

But seriously there was a raccoon in our house that went up our chimney.